So I was looking through my old yearbooks and the things people wrote on the “autograph” pages and in 4th grade I find this:

“Dear monica,

I hope i can come to your house over summer vacation. if it is ok with your mom, i can come, because my mom lets me come to your house! if i don’t, have a great summer!

Love michelle”

…and then in 5th grade

“Dear monica,

Hope you have the best summer you have ever had in your whole entire life.  I am going to come to your house, my mom lets me.

yours truely,

michelle”

I feel bad making fun of a 4th/5th grader, but come-on… this is hilarious (and i think my mom lets me).  I probably wrote equally hilarious nonsensical things, but luckily I don’t have the yearbooks I signed!!  I’m sure this is just a case of not knowing what to write in the yearbook of someone in her class, but lets for a moment analyze this… So in 4th grade, she only cares about coming to my house, but wishes me a great summer if she doesn’t come by (her mom lets her).  In 5th grade, she starts with the buttering up, telling me to have the best summer of my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE… following it up by letting me know she IS coming over (her mom lets).

Can’t believe coming to my house was so important that it made it into 2 years of yearbook signatures… but I get the feeling she didn’t get to come over because she didn’t even sign my yearbook the following year.  Oh well.  Or maybe her mom didn’t let anymore…

[to be fair, she does sign it again in later years, and they read perfectly normally w/ no mention of my house or her mom]

Someone found this list somewhere near UC Davis…

A girl listed out what she wants in her next boyfriend.  It looks pretty complete to me, the only things i’d remove would be “liberal” and “defesive.”  My next boyfriend need not be liberal or defensive… defensive?

Please note how she specified that she wants him to love her, but not be into anyone else!  Check it out below!  Click to bigify.

List of what qualities this girl

I promise this is not some ploy by me to get you to walk away from your PC and look like a fool.  I got this in an email and thought it must be one of those hoaxes, turns out its legit!

Below is an image that up close looks like Albert Einsein but when you walk away from your screen and look at it from a distance it looks like Marilyn Monroe!

Try it out.  I promise.

Albert Einstein up close and Marilyn Monroe from a distance

The Treasury Department did a rush job on a new dollar bill design because of the current state of the economy…

New Dollar Design

That’s what my horoscope for the week told me to do. Problem is, I should have read it earlier in the week. My wednesday was comically unexpected…

First, while waiting for an appointment, a loud 2 yr old walked up to me babbled for a couple seconds and then kicked me in the shins, unexpectedly. Best part was, the kid’s dad didn’t even apologize…

Next, less than an hour later, while at the gas station, someone poured gasoline on my leg and foot. That was totally unexpected, the economy is bad, gas is pricey, and you’re pouring it on me?

Luckily, the kid wasn’t wearing shoes and I was able to wash the gasoline off before someone threw a match at me!

Both of these were pointed out to me by friends, and now I’m doing the friendly thing to do and sharing them with you.

You NEED to check out both of these websites:

1. Fail Blog
2. The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey

If those weren’t enough to start off your morning (failblog has over 117 pages, how are you already done?) postsecret updates on Sundays so you can check that out as well.

Last in the argument joke series….

After  retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license  to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my  wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.

So I opened my shirt revealing my  curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof  enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security  application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about  my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability,  too’

And then the fight started…..

See also Parts 1, 2, and 3.

Installment #3 of the argument jokes:  [this one may not be entirely PC]

• I  rear-ended a car this morning.So , there we were alongside  the road and slowly the other driver got out of his  car.

  You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed  and little things just seem funny?

  Yeah, well I couldn’t  believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!

  He stormed over to my car,  looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’

  So, I  looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are  you?’

  And then the fight  started…..

See also parts 1, 2, and 4.

The second joke in the series:

• My  wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.My wife asked,’Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I  sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.

  I understand she took to drinking  right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t  been sober since.’

  ‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think  a person could go on celebrating that long?’

  And then the  fight  started…..

See also Parts 1, 3, and 4.

Just received a few funny argument jokes.  I will be posting one a day until I run out.  Enjoy!

1. Coming home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…. so, I took her to a gas station….. and then the fight started….

See 2, 3, and 4.