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Pure Awesomeness… Sort Of…

Archive for September, 2003


School is boring, so it calls for entertainment…right?
1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where allthe bad girls live.

6. At a bookstore I asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

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Options in the Male-female Interaction world

Options in the Male-female Interaction world

Words, Only.
You say hello, goodbye, and maybe some words inbetween. nothing else happens.

Friends with benefits, 1st degree.
a very piece of meat like fashion. you dont speak, have nothing in common, but every once in a while get together and get it on because you are horny animals that cannot think of anything else. Sometimes, there may be some hello goodbye.

Friends with benefits, 2nd degree.
You are actually friends, hang out with eachother sometimes and enjoy eachothers company. Can carry on actual conversations with eachother that are NOT only comprised of “so wheres the bedroom”. You just happen to make out a lot because well, its fun.

Dating, of the monica degree.
Very much like friends with benefits of the seconds degree, you speak, carry on conversations, know whats going on in eachothers lives. You hangout with eachother and happen to make out a lot because well, its fun. Comes with added perks of peace of mind, stability, and upon not seeing eachother in 2 weeks you can say “i miss you” without feeling guilty about crossing some horrible line that will destroy the casual balance of the relationship.

Dating, of the crazy degree
This would be what most girls call dating. You call eachother every 24 minutes. Argue about who called last. See eachother every 2 hours. Claim love. Cause lots of drama. Break up and get back together almost ritually every other week.

Dating, of the Serious Degree.
A mean combination of the dating of monica degree and crazy degree. Generally ends up in drama and isn’t worth the trouble.

The verdict
Well, ideally i would choose dating, of the monica degree. I enjoy peace of mind and stability.
2nd choice? (since ideal things are hard to find) friends with benefits of the 2nd degree.
3rd? Words Only.

the serious choice is, too much trouble and the other two choices are just bad bad mistakes. Bad mistakes. I’m warning you, bad mistakes.”its a no no”.

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saw Once Upon a Time in Mexico.. yes lots of gore and blood, but it was still funny. Enrique was in it. It was misrepresented and i’m not happy about that.

rating? B+

my thought on selma hayek’s role in the movie?
“Hey i want to be on the cover of a movie and all over their previews and then only be shown in a dream sequence, yeah that sounds like fun”

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Theres this climate prediciton thing going on (based in england) and everyone in the world is invited to participate (research about i think how much human influence has to do with climate, theres an article on Yahoo News that you can check out for more details. Anyway, you can download the thing and participate yourself, it all starts friday…so GOO DOWNLOAD IT, GET INVOLVED

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When eating alone in a public place, avoid at all costs yelling at that little fly that is flying through your food eating area and pissing you off. Just don’t do it. Trust me.

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So the cable guys came over this morning. yes cable GUYS, there were three of them, three BIG guys. It was a little unnerving but oh well. Hopefully they fixed whatever is wrong and i won’t have to have anymore strange cable guy visits.

alright so song of the week? Cake – Never There.
its an awesome song, and all this time it was just sitting here in my playlist, like it was worthless.

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Go HERE and vote USC for #5

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NO, i could NOT be happier.

You guessed it, Garbage is releasing a FOURTH album!  I am INSANELY happy.  Totally in that “you would not believe” kind of way. la la la a fourth album, more music for me…yesss.

“it’s a sure shot, honey it’s a sure shot”

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DO you concur?

I should be out on the town…don’t you agree?

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Burn baby Burn!
i was just thinking about how easily bridges are burned. bridges between people is what i’m referring to. I mean if i had to go and flip through the list of friends that once were we’d be here for a while, its a long list of “once were”s. Sad.

you know what, this snippet of lyrics explains it exactly!
“Everyone I know has gone away
Died or left or just forgot to stay
Sometimes took for granted
Sometimes turned away
Sometimes didn’t say what
I meant to say ”

yup thats it. oh Garbage, thank you for always having lyrics that are in sync with me.

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